Argument 220

The following appeared in an article in a magazine for writers.
“A recent study showed that in describing a typical day’s conversation, people make an average of 23 of references to watching television and only 1 reference to reading fiction. This result suggests that, compared with the television industry, the publishing and bookselling industries are more likely to decline in profitability. Therefore, people who wish to have careers as writers should acquire training and experience in writing for television rather than for print media.”

学生原稿

The author asserts that people pursuing careers as writers should pay more attention on training and experience in writing for television instead of print media. His explanation about this is that publishing and bookselling industries are going to be less profitable. In order to support his claim, he cites a study about the number of references people take when they have a typical day’s conversation. In this study, references from watching television and reading fiction are 23 and 1 respectively. However, a scrutiny easily reveals how this argument is unreasonable.

First, he provides no assurance that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. Lacking the number of people surveyed and the how these people are selected, it is hard to convince us that the results are valid. If the survey only involves several dozens of people or even fewer, his conclusion is entirely unpersuasive. And if people selected in this study spend much more time on watching television than on reading books, it is natural that they prefer television to fiction in finding their references. In this case, the survey (sample) is not representative. Without statistical significance in number and representative evidence, his conclusion is totally unconvincing.

Second, even though people prefer watching television to reading fictions as reference in a typical daily conversion, his argument still lacks sufficient proofs that print media is less profitable. Daily conversations might be issues about daily lives. Especially when those issues are about current events, fashions, or some humorous talk show, television is surely a very convenient source. People seldom look up such information in fictions. However, print media are not exclusively fictions. There are many kinds of print media such as papers, magazines, and books. We have many things to do in our life other than a daily conversation. We learn techniques and knowledge from books, even in the digital era. So publishing and bookselling is also in demand. Consequently it is absurd to allege that print media will be likely to decline in profit.

Third, even if writing for television is more profitable, it does not mean that training and experience in writing for television is a better way to be a writer. On one hand, whether people choose writing for television or for print media, the first step for them is to be trained as good writers. No evidence in this argument shows that acquiring training and experience in writing for television is more effective in educating a writer. On the other hand, although making money is a stimulating reason for people to prepare themselves, success is more related to persons’ interests and talents. When people are interested in doing something, they usually do their best and always have strength to tackle difficulties. They are easier to win. He again fails to persuade us that his stand is feasible.

In summary, this argument is unconvincing in several places. In order to strengthen the author’s standpoint, he should have to substantiate the survey is statistically reliable in number and representative. In addition, solid evidence that publishing and bookselling industries do earn less than before also should be presented. As for the allegation about training in writing, he has to give a more convincing explanation why people should follow his advice. Lacking such crucial information, I definitely disagree his argument.

钱老师点评修改稿

The author asserts that people pursuing careers as writers should pay more attention to training and experience in writing for television instead of print media. His explanation for this is that publishing and bookselling industries are going to be less profitable. In order to support his claim, he cites a study about the number of references people make during a typical day’s conversations. In this study, television is referenced 23 times while reading fiction is referenced only once on average.. However, close scrutiny easily reveals that this argument is unreasonable.

First, he provides no assurance that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. Lacking knowledge of the number of people surveyed and the how these people are selected, it is hard to convince us that the results are valid. If the survey only involves several dozen people or even fewer, his conclusion is entirely unpersuasive. And if people selected in this study spend much more time watching television than reading books, it is natural that they prefer television to fiction when making references. In this case, the survey (sample) would not be representative. Without any evidence of statistical significance in number and representation, his conclusion is totally unconvincing.

Second, even though people prefer making references to television rather than fiction when making references in a typical daily conversion, his argument still lacks sufficient proof that print media is less profitable. Daily conversations might be discussions of issues about daily lives. Especially when those issues are about current events, fashions, or some humorous talk show, television is surely a very convenient source. People seldom look up such information in fiction. However, print media is not exclusively fiction. There are many kinds of print media such as newspapers, magazines, and books. We have many things to do in our lives other than daily conversations. We learn techniques and knowledge from books, even in today’s digital era - publishing and bookselling remain in demand. Consequently it is absurd to allege that print media will be likely to decline in profit.

Third, even if writing for television is more profitable, it does not mean that training and experience in writing for television is a better way to become a writer. On the one hand, whether people choose to write for television or for print media, the first step is to be trained as good writers. No evidence in this argument shows that acquiring training and experience in writing for television is more effective in educating a writer. On the other hand, although making money is a stimulating reason for people to prepare themselves for a career, success is more related to people’s interests and talents. When people are interested in doing something, they usually do their best and will have the strength to tackle any difficulties that arise. He again fails to persuade us that his stand is feasible.

In summary, this argument is unconvincing for several reasons. In order to strengthen the author’s standpoint, he should provide substantiation that the survey is statistically reliable in number and is representative of the population. In addition, solid evidence that publishing and bookselling industries do actually earn less than in previous years should also be presented. As for the allegation about proper training in writing, he must give a more convincing explanation as to why people should follow his advice. Lacking such crucial information, I definitely disagree with his argument.

钱老师点评修改稿

The author should be a little more careful with the use of prepositions, including where to insert them and which prepositions should be used.Also, try to read the sentences after you write them as an “outside reader” or someone who is unfamiliar with what you are writing about. This will help to ensure that you write complete sentences and that you complete the thoughts that are contained in the sentences.

In the first paragraph, the original sentence was unclear and in the passive voice, so I changed the order to make it clear that you were emphasizing the difference in references to television and fiction. Also, the word “fiction” should never have an “s” on the end as it already includes the plural form.

In the 2nd paragraph, it is not that you are lacking the number of people surveyed, rather it is knowledge of the number of people surveyed – this is something that you should be able to correct with careful “self-proofreading”. In the same way, the first sentence of the third paragraph did not make sense the way that it was written, so by carefully re-reading what you have written, you should be able to find and correct these mistakes in your writing. Also in the 3rd paragraph, you shouldn’t start a sentence with the word “So” – it is better to use a word such as “Therefore”.

In the 4th paragraph, it is dangerous to use the word “always” when writing an argument – it usually invites the reader to think of situations where what you have just state is not true. With these arguments, it is important that you avoid words like “always” unless you are 100% sure that you are correct.

Overall, the reasoning was sound and the writing was relatively good – just remember to try to read over your essays again to make sure that the sentences are clear and contain your complete thoughts, and that all of the sentences relate to each other to make a strong and cohesive argument.