Issue 48

"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

学生原稿

Usually, the study of history focuses on periods, countries, dramatic events and elites. Famous individuals, like emperors, nobles, artists, and scientists, etc., are always emphasized in studying dramatic and significant events. It is true that the non-elite, the mass, are indispensable in all historic events. Why do historians pay much more attention on individuals than groups of people?

Some of these individuals owned privileges, consequently, they played very important roles in these dramatic events. Taking governors for instance, they held almost absolute powers in managing their countries, especially prior to the appearance of democratic society. A king could do nearly anything he wanted. Laws were even made according to his will. Napoleon, an emperor of France, led his armies to invade other countries. When we study the Europe history during the beginning of 19th century, he is an essential character. Nobody denies if most soldiers had disobeyed his orders he would not have initiated so many wars.Unfortunately, nobody dared to oppose him, or ever had such ideas at that time. Another example is about Great Wall in China. The first King of Qin Dynasty wanted to build a fortification, Great Wall, to the north of his country to keep his kingdom safe. We never denied it was built by the masses. However, if this proposal had been not from the emperor, hardly would have such a miracle been realized. What the masses could do is to follow his will.

In the history of science, prodigies contribute far more than their peers. How can we skip their names when we read the development of our civilization?

They are creative and lead their contemporaries forward. Since they contribute this area with fresh ideas or even open a new era, they are always emphasized by scholars. In the course of classical physics, Newton’s contribution epitomized the achievements his precursors of 16th and 17th centuries. He also established integrated mechanics system info on which classical physics and astronomy were founded. At the dawn of quantum era, Einstein creatively unveiled the quantum theory. Also, there are even many people who even say Thomas Edison single-handedly invented the twentieth century. There are tremendous scientists working in science at any time, but the famous few are remembered in that they distinguished themselves as scientific giants.

Another reason is that recorders about what common people thought and felt in history are scarcely chronicled. On one hand, most of them were poorly-educated, and they seldom wrote down their feelings. In the past, the right to be educated was only available to the rich. Much less the poor were educated. If nobody else recoded their life, nothing would be handed down to us. On the other hand, technology level was very low. The only way to preserve history was to write it down on papers and skins which were inadequate to meet the people’s demand. It was impossible to keep all the information of each number involving in a significant event as we can in the digital times. Faced with this situation, historians have to focus what they can get to study history.

Admittedly, history is sure made by all of the people in the society. But the impact of each one in any specific event is hardly equal. The protagonists always play major roles. By emphasizing these individuals, scholars find an efficient way to understand dramatic events and significant trends.

钱老师点评修改稿

　　你的审题出问题了。在你的整篇文章中，你在解释这样一个客观事实，即为什么历史学家仅仅在记述少数杰出人物，而对占绝大多数的民众忽略不计。

　　实际上，这篇文章要你就两个方面表达你的态度。第一，你是否同意迄今为止的史学研究过多地专注于记载个别历史人物的丰功伟绩。请注意，“The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals”是一批判性的陈述，这就需要你来说明你是支持或是反对这种对史学现象的批评。照你在文中的态度来看，你应是不接受这种批判的。遗憾的是，你不是在反驳这种批判，而是在为某种实际上的做法寻找客观理由。实际上，你应该首先有一个表示你态度的主题句，像“纵观我们的史学研究，我们发现史学家们倾向于将大部分的注意力倾注在单个的历史人物身上。这样做是完全恰当的，因为在创造历史的进程中，领袖人物们较之于普通民众起着更为重大的作用，因此，强调个人的作用绝不是一个过分的做法。”

　　题目的第二部分是要求你表明你是否认同“历史是由人民创造的，而不是由少数杰出人物创造的”这一说法。显然，你是不同意这一说法的，那么，你就必须拿出理由和实例来说明为什么历史是由“the famous few”创造的。

　　撇开你的论点正确与否，你文中的例子和论点有2/3是可以利用的，只不过是你缺乏论述文的架构，没有明确亮出你自己的论点。由于你只是在解释历史学家客观上为什么主要专注于少数历史人物而无视大多数的民众，因此，我们没能看到你自己的认识和体会。

　　你要做的是利用原文中的素材，就“史学家是否过多关注个人”这一史学现象，以及“历史是由英雄创造还是由人民创造”这一论点表达你的观点。你要改变写作角度，将对历史学家客观上的某种做法的解释， 改变为你对历史和史学研究的个人看法。

钱老师点评修改稿

sually, the study of history focuses on periods, countries, dramatic events and elites. Famous individuals like emperors, nobles, artists, scientists, and etc. are always emphasized in studying periods, countries, dramatic and significant events. It is true that(它表示一个让步的语气)the non-elite, the mass, are indispensable in all historic events. Nevertheless(所以，应在此加上一个表示转折语气的词汇), why do historians pay much more attention to individuals than to groups of people?

Some of these individuals owned privileges, consequently, they played very important roles in these dramatic events. Taking governors (What kind of governors? Do governors manage countries?) for instance, they held almost absolute power in managing their countries, especially prior to the appearance of democracy societies. A king could virtually do anything he wanted. Laws were even made according to his will. Napoleon, an emperor of France, led his armies to invade other countries. When we study the European history at the beginning of 19th century (or: in the early 19th century), he is an essential character(a pivotal figure during that period). Nobody denies if most soldiers had disobeyed his orders he would not have initiated so many wars. Unfortunately, nobody dared to oppose him, or ever had such ideas at that time. Another example is about the Great Wall in China. The first King of Qin Dynasty wanted to build a fortification, the Great Wall, to the north of his country to keep his kingdom safe. We never deny it was built by the masses. However,if this proposal had been not from the emperor(if the emperor had had made the proposal), hardly would have such a miracle been realized. What the masses could do was to follow his will.

In the history of science, prodigies contribute to scientific progress far more than their ordinary peers. How can we skip their (you have mentioned the prodigies and their peers, therefore “their” is ambiguous. You should use “those prodigies’ ”) names when we read the development of our civilization?

They (Those prodigies ) are creative and lead their contemporaries forward. Since they contribute this area (to their respective areas) with fresh ideas or they even open a new era, they are always emphasized by scholars. In the course of the development of classical physics, Newton’s contribution epitomized the achievements of his precursors of (in the) 16th and 17th centuries. He also established integrated mechanics system info on which classical physics and astronomy were founded. At the dawn of quantum era, Einstein creatively unveiled the quantum theory. Also, there are even (this part can be deleted) many people who (to be deleted) even say Thomas Edison single-handedly invented the twentieth century. There are tremendous scientists (There is a tremendous number of scientists) working in science research at any time, but only the famous few are remembered in that they distinguished themselves as scientific giants.

Another reason is that recorders about (to be deleted) what common people thought and felt in history are scarcely chronicled. On one hand, most of them were poorly-educated, and they seldom wrote down their feelings. In the past, the right to be educated was only available to the rich. Much less the poor were educated (This sentence is grammatically difficult to understand and perhaps it is redundant). If nobody else recoded their life, nothing would be handed down to us (Please indicate that this happened only during the pre-industrial period). On the other hand, technology level was very low. The only way to preserve history was to write it down on papers and skins which were inadequate to meet the people’s demand. It was impossible to keep all the information of (about) each number involving (involved) in a significant event as we can in the digital times. Faced with this situation, historians have to focus on what they can get to study (in studying)history.

Admittedly, history is sure (surely) made by all of the people in the society. But the impact of each one in any specific event is hardly equal. The protagonists (this word usually refers to main characters in literary works, not to people outside literature. You should use the word “main figures”) always play major roles. By emphasizing these individuals, scholars find an efficient way to understand dramatic events and significant trends.