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嘉文博译修改样品(九)

Issue 177

"The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."

学生原稿

I agree that the study of an academic discipline can affect the way of our thinking. However, not every study of academic discipline can change our pinions about the world. Nor will every one change the way they perceive the world by the same study.

People are affected by the study of an academic discipline in perceiving the world. Usually, people have diverse ways to examine a fact, because their academic backgrounds are different. A boy stung by a bee thinks that bees are dangerous since they sting people. Later, he may thinks that bees are useful in helping plants to be pollinated, after studying botany. Finally, he becomes a biologist, and knows other functions of bees, such as making honeys and breeding larvae. Now in his eyes bees are no longer horrible. Rather, they are useful and interesting, even though they are as same as the bees in his childhood. Academic disciplines broaden the scope of our knowledge and sharpen our minds. The more we learn, the more comprehensively we examine the facts. Instead of focusing only on one respect of a fact, we get its panorama, from which we achieve a fresh idea. People become more talented after receiving education. And we also find a more reasonable way to analyze a problem.

However, the study of some academic disciplines does not always change people’s minds. We not always have conviction of a fact. Therefore, academic disciplines are needed to help us understand it. Our original ideas are either changed or reinforced.Sometimes the study of an academic discipline is employed to prove scientific hypotheses. On the one hand, if the result contradicts what scientists formerly think, they may reconsider their ideas or the methods they employed. Probably, their original ideas are wrong, and they will get a more reasonable thought. Then, they might treat the same topics with different ways. On the other hand, if the outcome proves that their scientific assumptions, they will continue using their previous expectation to explore the word. The study of an academic discipline produces diverse effect on the ways of people’s thinking. Individuals’ backgrounds also contribute to the effect.

Another reason why some people might not change their mind in a study of an academic discipline is that they probably do not gain anything from the study. People’s acquirement varies even in the same study. Some of them probably learn much from it and develop a more insightful recognition about the world. But some people do not. People with different academic backgrounds, characters and intellect will be affected by the same study to the different extent. When scientific geniuses open a new epoch to a study, some ordinary workers even do not understand what the purpose of the study is. When Einstein unveiled quantum theory, many scientists still lost in classical physics. They examine their topics with the same eyes, classical physics.

In short, usually, we learn a lot from the study of an academic discipline. Due to a series of studies of academic disciplines, people frequently adjust their ways in recognizing the world. Since studies vary and people are not the same, nether every study can change people’s way of thinking, nor does every one use different ways to examine the world after the studies of academic disciplines.

嘉文博译修改稿

I agree that the study of an academic discipline can affect the way we perceive the world. However, not every study of academic discipline can change our opinions about the world. Nor will every person change the way they perceive the world by studying the same discipline.

People’s perceptions of the world are affected by the study of an academic discipline.. Usually, people have diverse methods in examining a fact because their academic backgrounds are different. A boy stung by a bee thinks that bees are dangerous because they sting people. Later, he may think that bees are useful in helping plants to be pollinated after he has studied botany. Finally, if he becomes a biologist, he will know the functions of bees, such as making honey and breeding larvae. Now in his eyes bees are no longer horrible. Rather, they are useful and interesting, even though they are the same bees that he encountered in his childhood. Academic disciplines broaden the scope of our knowledge and sharpen our minds. The more we learn, the more comprehensively we can examine the facts. Instead of focusing only on one respect of a fact, we can take a panoramic view that allows us to generate fresh ideas.. People become more talented after receiving an education. We also find more reasonable ways to analyze problems.

However, the study of some academic disciplines does not always change people’s perceptions of the world. We are not always convinced that facts are indeed facts.. Therefore, academic disciplines are needed to help us understand the reasoning behind a fact. Our original ideas may either be changed or reinforced.Sometimes the study of an academic discipline is employed to prove scientific hypotheses. On the one hand, if the result contradicts what scientists formerly thought, they may reconsider their ideas or the methods that they employed in exploring their hypothesis. Possibly, their original ideas were wrong, and their study of the hypothesis leads them to a more reasonable thought.As a result, they may then treat the same topics in a different manner. On the other hand, if the outcome proves that their scientific assumptions were correct, they will continue using their previous expectations to explore the word. The study of an academic discipline produces a diverse effect on the ways that people think. An individual’s background also contributes to the overall effect of academic study.

Another reason why some people might not change their perceptions because of the study of an academic discipline is that they probably did not gain anything from the study. Acquisition and retention of information varies among people even when they are involved in the same study.. Some of them probably learn much from the study and develop a more insightful view of the world while others do not. People with different academic backgrounds, personalities and intellect will be affected by the same study to a different extent. When scientific geniuses open a new epoch to a study, some ordinary people do not even understand what the purpose of the study is. When Einstein unveiled quantum theory, many scientists were still lost in classical physics. They examined their topics with the same eyes, eyes that viewed the world only through the discipline of classical physics.

In summary, people can usually learn a lot from the study of an academic discipline. After a series of studies of academic disciplines, people frequently adjust their ways in recognizing the world. Since studies vary and people are not the same, not every study can change people’s way of thinking, nor does every one use different ways to examine the world after the studies of academic disciplines.

钱老师点评修改稿

Paragraph 1: The first sentence did not accurately frame the issue that was raised here, and “way of our thinking” is not proper English.The word “pinions” is obviously incorrect here – I suspect just a typographical error – but it shows carelessness to those that will mark your essay.It is not enough to simply rely on your word processing program to check your spelling; you need to carefully re-read it to make sure that you have used the proper words and grammar.Also, I was not sure what you meant by the last sentence, did you mean that not everyone will change in the same way because they do not study in the same manner?

Paragraph 2: The first sentence was awkwardly written although I could understand your idea. The “bee” example was useful in showing the value of an education, but I think you should re-consider the sentence “People become more talented after receiving (an) education.”That is not necessarily true, particularly as such a definitive statement – “better educated”, “more skillful at analyzing and solving problems” are better statements, but the world “talented” doesn’t really apply here.

Paragraph 3: Very hard to understand and to follow your logic.The world “probably” means that something is highly likely, so it is not correct to write “probably their original ideas were wrong”.The last sentence is an important thought that just seems to be added on at the end – it does not fit with the rest of the paragraph and should have been discussed in a separate paragraph.It is very important when writing that you make sure that your paragraphs are cohesive and that there is no extraneous information in them.That last sentence is not at all related to the main idea of this paragraph and should be deleted.

Paragraph 4: Again very hard to understand and follow.From the way that this paragraph (and some other sentences) was written, it is not clear that you understand the basic issue that should be discussed. When you wrote “change their mind” it seems that you are talking about a change in something that they previously believed rather than in the way that they perceive the world, which is the critical issue here. Also the word “nether” was incorrectly used here.

The last paragraph should begin with “In summary” or “To summarize” but not “In short”, at least not for these types of essays - it seems to trivialize your final statement.The final paragraph seems to be in conflict with your earlier statement in paragraph 2 that “People are affected by the study of an academic discipline in perceiving the world.”

Overall, this essay was not very well organized and unclear – it was very difficult to follow your stream of logic and what you thought about the basic premise of this issue.Even after reading it, I was still not sure what you thought about the issue and whether you agreed with the idea or not.It might help to write a short outline of your thoughts, like a “road map” to follow when you are writing, and to carefully re-read it as though you were another person to make sure that your writing can be clearly understood.

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